Thursday, August 03, 2006

Apologies - 5 July 2006

2 Comments:

Blogger Bluesky_Liz said...

I rather like this one, because i think the message makes a valid point. Although an apology is something to be said, sometimes you just get tired of hearing it. It is indeed like a promise that it won't happen again, but sometimes it does.

About the poem, some nits. The capitalisation is inconsistent, and this is a bit disruptive to the reading -- some of the lines start with a capital letter, some don't.

I think you'll have a greater effect to full stop after the "sorry" in the first strophe. Followed by a firm "Don't." by itself.

"The honesty of silence" might be a little abstract, but I get it that you mean a apologetic silence, not an indifferent one. Last strophe, "things will be better" -- is rather vague. Do things refer to the relationship? Or perhaps the current situation that has gone wrong? Also, the "hurt" refered to in the last line wasn't very clear to me. Are both parties hurt or just the narrator?

just my 2c's :)

4:29 AM  
Blogger Medusa aka expiringpoet said...

Liz,
Thanks for your 2 cents :) I appreciate the pointers, tho this came very late in the day. I've been neglecting my own blog in pursuit of learning about Mid-East history, specifically the Israel-Palestine issue. Because it's such a complicated history, I am plodding thru it at a snail's pace.

9:05 AM  

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